The Art of Anger Management.. 7 Strategies to Safeguard Your Married Life | lifestyle

Is anger in marital relations a proof of fragility? Are frequent marital conflicts an indication that the relationship between the spouses is not at its best? Does the calm between the two parties mean that the relationship is successful? Does agreement and permanent silence during a dispute mean that the love between the two parties is never broken?

Some people may actually see this, on the grounds that marriage is accommodation, affection and mercy, and that anger and its intensity can spoil the harmony between spouses and eliminate affection and mercy between them. But what if the opposite turns out to be true? And that anger and disagreement between spouses can indicate a healthy and successful relationship? And that expressing feelings of anger is much better than hiding them out of love?

It all hinges on one question: How do we deal with anger in our marital relationship?

Anger is one of the most misunderstood feelings and the most hidden feelings of its owners. Most married couples suffer from their inability to express their anger without being misunderstood. Not all angry cries are a desire to end the relationship, and one of the spouses does not always have to swallow his anger, so that the other does not blame him for his lack of love for him.

The counselor in relations and communication between spouses, Deryl Goldenberg, affirms – in an article of the site “PSYCHALIVE” – that anger is a form of self-defense, and that the transformation of natural anger into feelings of hatred or revenge, or harm to another person, is the first reason to hide anger in its time and prevent its release in small details, so that it grows and swells, and can urge revenge.

History of anger and its development

Historically, Greek philosophers viewed anger as temporary madness, and some of them believed that it was useless even in wars, and that anger never won. As for Aristotle, he considered anger one of the tricks of self-defense and asserts that his attacks can be controlled.

Some psychological studies believe that managing anger in relationships and being able to express it properly and appropriately is the perfect solution for spouses, which ensures that the relationship remains strong and solid for both parties.

According to Goldenberg, there is a new concept of anger that has recently developed in modern societies, which he calls “healthy anger”. This concept is based on appreciating feelings of anger and addressing them as part of defending the mind and feelings for oneself in the face of anxiety, emotional transgression, violation of boundaries and intrusion. .

Accordingly, anger can be considered useful because it is a strength rather than a crime, as it helps in the growth of the individual and maintains contact between the spouses. But first we need to identify anger patterns.

Anger Patterns in Marital Relationships

Every relationship faces conflict at some point and sometimes witnesses fluctuations and changes. Here, 3 types of anger can be identified:

Avoidance and repression: In it, the couple tries to avoid and deny the issue, and remove anger and its vocabulary from their emotional conversations, and they look for ways to sweeten the relationship between them as part of an artificial affection between them. But the pent-up anger soon comes out and finds an opening through which to breathe.

passive aggression People with a tendency towards passive aggression often carry the belief – since childhood – that they cannot hurt the feelings of their loved ones, and avoiding confrontation at all costs becomes the main characteristic of expressing their anger. . Despite their public approval of something, they avoid it afterward, or argue with other things instead of doing what the other side wants.

Cruel Aggression: This includes harsh rebukes, unbridled self-expression, and violent defiance. The angry person may feel relieved after throwing up these feelings. But what about the other party that receives this aggression? How will he deal with it in the relationship, and how does that impact the relationship between them?

Strategies to avoid anger

Despite what anger can cause, in many cases it is constructive and beneficial, according to an article published on the American Psychiatric Association (APA) website, in which he identified a number of strategies for managing anger. anger :

1. Avoid generalizing words such as “never and always.” Although you feel these sentences and their truth, they make the other party feel like they never offer anything and prevent them from working to restore the strength and luster of the relationship. .
2. Use logic even when it is not justified, because anger often makes you irrational.
3. Translate your expectations of the other party into specific demands, whether it’s fairness, appreciation, participation, or attention.
4. Use relaxation Relaxation strategies and deep breathing can help you regain your balance, calm your emotions and make the conversation stronger and the gains bigger.
   

   

5. Improve your communication skills, try to stop the anger and not go overboard with it, listen to the other and prepare an appropriate response to the situation in a soft and gentle way.
6. Play sports, as it helps you reduce stress and nervous tension. And be active and enjoy the mornings when you breathe while walking.
7. Stay away from stimuli, if you hate driving in traffic, take public transport. If you hate clutter, lock your child’s bedroom door. If noise bothers you, get a soundproof room. Therefore, try to reduce your anger triggers as much as possible.